I’m glad you have come by to see what I might say to you. Having gone from being a wife to a widow, may I sincerely remind you that anything can happen to the man at your side any time. That perhaps will help keep your heart on duty with passion each and every day you have him.
Being a wife is a privileged position. You may not think so at this moment but my prayer is that you will be the end of my lesson. Having a husband means work, sometimes with seemingly inadequate reward. Just think of what you could get done in a day if you didn’t have to look after him! I know this is true because when “he” has had to be gone for some reason, we light up and think of everything we can get done without him underfoot or in the picture. Just realize that because he IS in your life and you DO have to consider him, there are really special changes happening in YOU that cannot happen any other way than learning to be a GOOD WIFE to YOUR HUSBAND. Any reward you receive for doing this down on earth does not compare with all the treasures you will have in glory because you were willing to learn and do it God’s way – not yours.
The Bible says in Proverbs 18:22, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the LORD.” Could you take a look at yourself and ask, “Does my husband find me a Good Thing or am I his biggest frustration, challenge, headache or heartache?” You should be and can be his most precious and cherished earthly possession. The starting place for mastering our husband is NOT sitting him down and telling him what he needs to change so you can actually become the wonderful wife you are supposed to be. (He makes it just impossible for you to really shine, right?) No, if you begin to do it right in God’s eyes, then things have a chance to change in your husband. Hubby still has a choice, but at least YOU are no longer HINDERING the work of God because your stubborness or disobedience were in the way.
For some reason, we are reluctant to do it God’s way. We say to ourselves, my husband is not doing his part, why should I? Or, I’ve been married a while and know his routine and he’s not about to change so why should I do right by him? Or, we’ve reached a comfort zone. Things are pretty good and I’ve got him trained just how I like him and/or he goes his way and I go mine. You may not be fighting, but you are missing out on the sweet joy that comes from investing in your husband and marriage on God’s terms. The power-packed starting place is in YOUR heart, humbly seeking God’s forgiveness for being stubborn, prideful and playing the game of “well if he would just do this, I would be happy to do that.” Set all of that aside and ask the Lord to make things really right and good between you and your husband. In case you doubted, you ARE married to the right man. Even if you were way out of the will of God when you got married, but now you are a Christian, all can be worked out to God’s glory and your best. (Take a good look at Romans 8:28 & 29 then count on it!)
When God said in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him.” He was blessing Adam with a counterpart that would be perfect for him. Together they would make a whole and with the Lord they were happy and satisfied. What happiness do you share with your husband? It can’t center on just the children because one day they will be gone. Is it hard to find much happiness and satisfaction. It can get to be that way. Life presses in, kids sap your energy, you’re both busy with work and daily routine, money is tight. DO NOT DESPAIR and don’t figure THAT’S JUST THE WAY IT IS. It doesn’t have to stay that way. It can be better than you ever imagined but it begins with YOU…the one who’s reading this lesson, the one who wants it be be more like God intended.
Did you know that your husband has a ‘love tank’? You have a way of expressing your love to him that you think says “I love you” loud and clear, but it doesn’t seem to impress him much at all. How you show love is apparently not his primary love language. Learning to speak his love language is a powerful and important step. Think about it, what does hubby do for you that fills your love tank? He may not be making the best deposits in your love tank either, but he’s not reading this lesson. Author Gary Chapman in his insightful book called “The Five Love Languages” calls these the basic languages: Words of affirmation, Quality time, Receiving gifts, Acts of service and Physical touch. Consider which of these really speak to you? Then ask yourself, what speaks to your hubby?
May I suggest you get this book and gain insight enough to know what of the five choices will really fill his love tank. He needs to know your love and support. He is likely daily going out into a cold cruel world on behalf of his wife and children and he needs to know HE IS LOVED, APPRECIATED, TENDERLY CARED FOR EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY. How can you best convey these to him? Ask God for wisdom, creativity AND a genuine heart in doing so. When did you last take a good look at that man in your life? What did you see in him when you first realized he was pretty important to you? Has he changed or has how you regard and view him changed? Maybe he has changed and seriously disappointed you. Can you forgive him and begin with the man he is today? You have the power to bring out the best in him….or not. Could you ask the Lord to help you recapture respect for him and even be thankful that he is yours? See if you can understand one of my favorite sayings,
LOVE IS NOT BLIND – IT SEES MORE NOT LESS – AND BECAUSE IT SEES MORE – IT IS WILLING TO SEE LESS.
Why with our husbands do we start seeing only fault and weakness instead of encouraging their greatness and strength. Why do we speak little cutting remarks when if we built him up in others eyes and the eyes of our children, he might actually become as great as we make him sound. Why is it we can spread unconditional love to all those in our life, except the one we sleep with because he somehow didn’t say or do what we wanted or hoped.
The secret to Perfect Days with our husband is simple, lose yourself in his needs and desires. Make ministering to him the most important task of the day. Don’t think twice about what you don’t have or are not getting. Consider in each hour of the day what you can bring to him, do for him, pray for him, how can you esteem and build him up in words and actions. It might be awkward at first because we’ve gotten so lazy, rusty, indifferent, but try it for three days. Let’s see what happens and be sure to smile and relax in the results. I believe you will be surprisingly blessed and encouraged by his response.
Ask the Lord to help you do all that I’ve suggested and by His grace and wisdom do it with a whole heart. I have found Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s book “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” to be helpful and usually found on thrift store books shelves.
“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. she will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.”
Proverbs 31:10-12 KJV
If your husband has left or leaves because you choose to do right and he did not want to, rest in that as God’s allowing it and strive to begin again as a single, truly letting the LORD be your husband and seeking to learn what you can about being a godly wife. God always wants to work in the life of those who repent and your long gone guy might comeback truly changed one day. You need to be ready.