I’ve contemplated what I might say regarding becoming a widow for almost the entire time since my best friend, dearest brother in Christ, and my caring, thoughtful husband went to heaven in October 2014.
In asking other widows their story I could feel almost guilty that I didn’t sense the same….quoting
“I lost my identity….I lost my right arm….my life without him is empty.” I have lost an aspect of my identity as I am no longer Pastor’s wife. But my identity has been in the Lord for over 41 years and that hasn’t changed. Matter of fact, I saw God’s gracious loving hand on everything that happened regarding Pete’s home going. It’s been a deep and precious blessing to see how beautifully the Lord has worked in a church who suddenly loses it’s key leader. God has been faithful and very, very good to me personally and our church.
My duties have changed and I daily seek God’s direction and will because so much of what I did before was in caring for my husband and his needs or duties regarding the ministry. It’s a bit scary to be directly accountable to Christ as my head without my wonderful guy in between. But, my heart is all for the Lord.
I miss the fellowship in the faith and in God’s word. That was always precious to me as I lost my first husband in 1985 and we never had fellowship over the things of God. My faith was one of the reasons Pete loved me and his was why I loved him. We were not looking to each other more than we were the Lord and what he wanted from us. Together we enjoyed wonderful blessings in seeing the Lord work. Chatting each day about our adventures in the faith was so grand. Now it’s just me and the Lord and once in a while a friend with a similar heart that I rejoice with over the small touches from heaven.
I was lost at the start of my first marriage but no less sincere in wanting to do a good job of being a wife.
It was a tough task because of alcoholism and an almost teen stepdaughter BUT God was at work to bring me to Him. A baby girl, now the Pastor’s wife at my church, came into the world. How desperately I wanted to be a good parent and good example to her. The Lord came too, into my sinful heart and cleaned up the mess of my life. I learned how to be a godly wife. Two more daughters and four years later, their daddy went to Heaven. He did came to know the Lord five years earlier but grieved the Holy Spirit nearly the entire time. I rejoiced the day he said he was sorry and he then entrusted his beautiful young family to the Lord’s care as he left us. God was so very, very good and gracious to bring him to that place of comfort and surrender.
Walking with the Lord as a younger widow was harder because the kids are hurting in their loss. You can’t make up for Dad but the Lord can use your Church family for part of that make-up. The Lord took care of us with jobs when needed, safe homes to live in and a good church to minister to us and become active in. He healed the hurts and kept us together even when we veered from His path a bit. Today, if you know any of my girls, Annette, Erin, April or Amber Joy, the fruit of God’s abundant blessing on my life is evidenced. My heart redounds with a constant thankful beat.
For those of you who have lost a loved one I have some words of encouragement for you. I’ve written a booklet called “Confident of a Heavenly Home.” If you would like me to send you a copy, please contact me with your mailing address on the Prayer Requests page. The Lord will meet your need for grace as you look to him, it will never be the same, but it will be good.
Your Sister in Christ,
August 14, 2017